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Could This be You?

Becoming a Multi-Orgasmic Woman

1. You must believe you can have multiple orgasms. Choose a date and time for your multi-orgasmic play, and keep it!

2. Turn on your mind. Create a sensual atmosphere for lovemaking and use your imagination or erotic literature/film to explore your fantasy life.

3. Stimulate multiple pleasure points. Start with full-body caresses and move toward your hot spots: neck, ears, nipples.

4. Follow the way of the tongue. If with a partner, begin with cunnilingus. If by yourself, use a vibrator for stimulating your clitoris. Also continue stimulating your other pleasure points.

5. Tease yourself. With cunnilingus or with a vibrator, use the teasing technique of stimulating and backing off. Then have your first orgasm. Restart pleasuring yourself within thirty seconds.

6. Go, Spot, Go! Move slowly to penetration. If with your partner, use positions that stimulate the G-spot (for example, man from behind with the woman lying on her stomach). If by yourself, use a vibrator or dildo to stimulate your G-spot.

7. Use your PC muscle. Contract around your partner's penis or your vibrator or dildo, using whichever PC muscle technique feels good to you.

8. Stimulate the clitoris and vagina together. Continue to stimulate your clitoris during penetration.

9. Ask for a helping hand. Tell your partner what feels good and what you need. Now ride your pleasure to another wave of orgasm. Congratulations! You are a multi-orgasmic woman.

Missing the Big Bang: Overcoming Anorgasmia

While Taoist sexuality is not nearly as goal oriented as our Western view of sex, it does appreciate the importance of orgasm for health and pleasure. This section is for those women who are having difficulty experiencing the regular sexual pleasure that they want even after completing the exercises earlier in the chapter.

Our sexual desire waxes and wanes according to our overall health and the events in our life. However, women who have never been able to either by self-stimulation or with a partner, are considered to be "anorgasmic," or "without orgasm." The good news is that at least 90 percent of women who have never had an orgasm will be able to experience one.

Practicing self-stimulation and learning where you are most sensitive is the key to becoming orgasmic. All sex experts on anorgasmia recommend doing exercises as described at the beginning of the chapter to explore and stimulate your body. You should do these exercises in a relaxed way for at least a week before going on to try to stimulate yourself to orgasm. For some women, just the chance to explore their body without the pressure of having to orgasm allows them to relax and increase their sexual energy to the point that they can orgasm when they do try.

Don't forget about the importance of increasing your desire in a relaxed, sensual atmosphere. Consider using music, candlelight, erotica, movies, or literature as you feel comfortable. If after several weeks you are still unable to orgasm, consider buying a vibrator. The majority of women orgasm most easily with stimulation of their clitoris with a vibrator. However, you can certainly try to stimulate other vaginal spots, as discussed previously, as well. Try other means of stimulation also, such as the shower head or a hot tub jet.

For many women it is the inability to relax their body and/or distracting repetitive thoughts in their mind that keeps them from experiencing orgasm. Orgasm requires letting go of rational thought and letting your body move as it wishes without your conscious control. This release of control is difficult for many people in our society. The belly breathing technique that we learned earlier is essential for relaxing your mind and body.

You should use the belly breathing technique whenever you begin to feel anxious or tense during your self-stimulation exercises. It will also help quiet nagging thoughts in your mind that distract you from your bodily pleasure.

Be Proud & Share!!!

Sharing Your Orgasms With Your Partner

Most sex therapists recommend using self-stimulation techniques until you can reliably have an orgasm by yourself. After experiencing orgasms by yourself, next you will no doubt want to have them with your partner. Most therapists recommend that, rather than hoping to have an orgasm during intercourse, you pleasure yourself to orgasm in front of your partner. This can be scary and embarrassing but is a wonderful way to show your partner what you like. Often this may feel more comfortable if your partner is willing to pleasure himself in front of you, too. This allows you to learn the techniques that he uses.

The next step is to do gentle touching with your partner without trying to orgasm. This can include sensual massage and sexual stimulation, the only requirement being that you remain relaxed and enjoy the experience. After a week or two of this non-pressured pleasure, have your partner pleasure you as you have been pleasing yourself all the way to orgasm.

All of these exercises require open and honest communication. If you have difficulty trusting your partner or cannot communicate about your pleasure, it will be difficult to experience orgasm together.

Since most women orgasm with their partner from stimulation other than intercourse, intercourse should be avoided until you are regularly able to orgasm while being touched in other ways. Remember, as we have said above, that using your fingers to stimulate yourself during intercourse is all excellent way to have an orgasm with your partner.

Finally, there are physiologic influences on women's ability to become orgasmic. These will he discussed in more detail in the next section. Do not give up hope! With time and persistence a1most all women are able to experience orgasm, and absolutely every woman can expand the pleasure she experiences during self-pleasuring and lovemaking.

The Yoni is a ladies massage....

" In Tantra, the Yoni is seen from a perspective of love and respect. This is particularly important for men to learn.

   Before beginning the Yoni Massage it is important to create a space for the woman (the receiver) in which to relax, from which she can more easily enter a state of high arousal and experience great pleasure from her Yoni. Her partner (the giver) will experience the joy of giving pleasure and witnessing a special moment. The Yoni Massage can also be used as a form of "safe sex" and is an excellent activity to build trust and intimacy. Some massage and sex therapists use it to assist women to break through sexual blocks or trauma.

    The goal of the Yoni massage is not solely to achieve orgasm, although orgasm is often a pleasant and welcome side effect. The goal can be as simple as to pleasure and massage the Yoni. From this perspective both receiver and giver can relax, and do not have to worry about achieving any particular goal. When orgasm does occur it is usually more expanded, more intense and more satisfying. It is also helpful for the giver to not expect anything in return, but simply allow the receiver to enjoy the massage and to relax into herself.

The Massage

     Have the receiver lie on her back with pillows under her head so she can look down at her genitals and up at her partner (giver). Place a pillow, covered with a towel, under her hips. Her legs are to be spread apart with the knees slightly bent (pillows or cushions under the knees will also help) and her genitals clearly exposed for the massage. This position allows full access to the Yoni and other parts of the body. Before contacting the body, begin with deep, relaxed breathing. Both giver and receiver should remember to breathe deeply, slowly and with relaxation during the entire process. The giver will gently remind the receiver to start breathing again if the receiver stops or begins to take shallower breaths. Deep breathing, not hyperventilating, is most important.

    Gently massage the legs, abdomen, thighs, breasts, etc., to encourage the receiver to relax and for the giver to prepare for touching her Yoni. Pour a small quantity of a high-quality oil or lubricant on the mound of the Yoni. Pour just enough so that it drips down the outer lips and covers the outside of the Yoni. Begin gently massaging the mound and outer lips of the Yoni. Spend time here and do not rush. Relax and enjoy giving the massage.

    Gently squeeze the outer lip between the thumb and index finger, and slide up and down the entire length of each lip. Do the same to the inner lips of the Yoni/vagina. Take your time. It is helpful for giver and receiver to look into each others eyes as much as possible. The receiver should tell the giver if the pressure, speed, depth, etc. need to be increased or decreased. Limit your conversation and focus on the pleasurable sensation, too much talking will diminish the effect.

The Crown Jewel

    The clitoris is an amazingly complex structure, similar in function to the male's glans, but surprisingly - up to four times more sensitive. The glans portion of the clitoris holds 6,000 - 8,000 sensory nerve endings, more than any other structure in the human body. This hypersensitive node has only one purpose: pleasure. Nothing exceeds its ability to receive and transmit sensations of touch, pressure or vibration. The glans are "crown jewel" of the clitoral system!

     Stroke the clitoris with clockwise and counter-clockwise circles. Gently squeeze it between thumb and index fingers. Do this as a massage and not to get the receiver off. The receiver will undoubtedly become very aroused but continue to encourage her to relax and breathe.
Slowly and with great care, insert the middle finger of your right hand into the Yoni (there is a reason for using the right hand as opposed to the left. It has to do with polarity in Tantra). Very gently explore and massage the inside of the Yoni with this finger. Take your time, be gentle, and feel up, down and sideways. Vary the depth, speed and pressure. It is important to remember that this is a massage in which you are nurturing and relaxing the Yoni. With your palm facing up, and the middle finger inside the Yoni, move the middle finger in a "come here" gesture or crook back towards the palm. You will contact a spongy area of tissue just under the pubic bone, behind the clitoris. This is the G-spot or in Tantra, "The Sacred Spot". She may feel the need to urinate, experience a little discomfort or most hopefully pleasure. Vary the pressure, speed and pattern of movement. You can move side to side, back and forth, or in circles with your middle finger. You can also insert the finger that's between your middle finger and pinky.

    Most women should have no problem and will enjoy the increased stimulation from two fingers. Take your time and be very gentle. You may use the thumb of the right hand to stimulate the clitoris as well. An option to try if the receiver wants it is to insert the pinky of the right hand into her anus. [In Tantra, it is said that when your pinky is gently massaging her anus, the next finger and middle finger in her Yoni and your thumb on her clitoris, "You are holding one of the mysteries of the universe in your hand."]

    You can use your left hand to massage her breasts, abdomen, or clitoris. If you massage the clitoris it's usually best to use the thumb in an up down motion, with the rest of the hand resting on, and massaging the mound. The dual stimulation of right and left hands will provide much pleasure for the receiver. Continue massaging, using varying speed, pressure and motion, all the while continuing to breathe deeply and looking into each other's eyes. She may have powerful emotions come up and may cry. Just keep breathing and be gentle. Some women have been sexually abused and need to be healed. A giving, loving and patient partner can be of immeasurable value to her. If she has an orgasm, keep her breathing, and continue massaging if she wants. More orgasms may occur, each gaining in intensity. In Tantra this is called "riding the wave."

    In ending the massage, slowly, gently, and with respect, remove your hands. Allow her to relax and enjoy the afterglow of the Yoni massage. Cuddling or holding is very soothing as well. As you learn to master the Yoni Massage your sex life will be greatly enriched and you will learn a great deal about feminine sexuality.

Past issues that may effect your Intimate life today...

Ladies:

Tantra is meant to be a very emotional, spiritual and exciting, learning experience. Your senses will be opened to a complete new way of thinking and feeling. In order for you to be able to overcome this in your mind, you need to have a clear mind. It is very difficult for a lot ladies to allow this to take place. This is often due to past experiences.

If you have a past experience, such as molestation, rape or abusive relationship, you will find it hard to open yourself up to get the whole experience. In order for you to overcome these issues and or fears from past experiences you will need to identify them, face them head on and come to realize that your present and or future relationships will not be the same.

Although you will always carry the memories in your mind of the past, you can overcome them and have a healthy relationship in your future by learning healing methods to help you build trust in your present or future partner.